It's a GIRL!

We had our third sonogram today and got to see our new little bean. Ian keeps insisting there is a boy and a girl in Mommy's tummy. Well, he was right about one. It's a girl and everything looks healthy. We're thrilled!

Time to hit the gym

Well, a gym for toddlers. That's a gym, right? Ian started his class at the Little Gym today. I wish my workouts at the gym could be like this. Crawl through a few tunnels, run around and chase each other, kick up our feet like a donkey. What's not to love about that?

Moving day is upon us

Well, for the most part everything is packed and we're ready for the movers to show up and take everything to our new casa. Between Ian and our dog, Teddy, it should be an adventure packed day. I just can't wait to get moved in and settled. We've all had a rough few months and I'm looking forward to a fresh start in a new place. Wahoo!

The big day

My D & C was scheduled for 8:15am in North Bethesda, so we had to get up around 5:30am. Well, I'm not a morning person even on a good day. Today I was hoping that if I stayed in bed and just pretended it was any other day and everything was fine that everything would be just that -- fine. Well, my DH is too much of a "do the right thing" kind of guy to let me get away with this. So he gets me up and makes sure I get dressed. I brushed my teeth, pulled my hair back in a ponytail, puked a few times and we were off.

Upon arriving at the surgery center I had hopes of escaping again. I begged my DH to take my home. In the end, the only way he even got me into the office was because I had to puke and the surgery center just happened to be in the middle of a really nice office building, with all kinds of professionally dressed people walking around. I would feel really bad if I threw up on someones Stuart Weitzman's. So we go in, I puke. They make me sign a bunch of forms saying if I die I can't sue them. Then a nurse is pulling me away from Jason to go change into my stylish surgery garb. Let's just say I was not having a good time. I began having an anxiety attack and all the way up until the point where they wheeled me away I was begging DH to just take me home. In the end, that's exactly what he did.

But I want a baby too!

This morning we had an appointment with my doctor to "review our options". They fit me in for an 11:45am appointment so that I'd be the last appointment before lunch and the doctor would have plenty of time to spend with us. Well, we drive to Rockville (about a 45 minute drive) to the office and go into the building we'd been to so many times before. The building I had gone to when I was in labor with my son a few years earlier before being sent on to the hospital. The building we had been to just a few weeks earlier and left with our "goodie bag" full of everything an expectant mom needs to get off to a good pregnancy. Walking into that office today felt surreal. I looked around at all the moms with big protruding pregnant belly's and tried my hardest to hold myself together. We sat in that waiting room forever watching all those belly's and listening to a broadcast on the TV in the waiting area repeating the same message over and over about taking good care of yourself when your pregnant. I sat there with my husband and quietly sobbed, going through tissue after tissue all the while being quite aware that everyone around me was wondering what on earth was wrong with me. Everyone except anyone who worked in the office, who seemed unaware of the anguish a mother-to-be who had just been told hours before that she had lost her baby would feel sitting mere feet away from so many clearly pregnant mothers for over an hour.

At this point, my body was showing no signs that it knew anything was wrong with the pregnancy, so I continued to feel nauseated and have to pee constantly. When I could hold it no longer and it didn't seem like they would be calling us back anytime soon, I approached the reception desk to ask if I could use the bathroom or if I still needed to leave a urine sample (when you're pregnant, you get the pleasure of peeing in a cup at every doctors visit and I wasn't sure given that our baby had no heartbeat if I still needed to do this or not). Well, apparently none of the staff seemed aware why I was there or what my situation was. The initial woman I asked said she wasn't sure. Then another nurse walked up and into the conversation and asked me if I was a "GYN" patient or an "OB" patient. Well, I lost it. The previous quiet sobbing turned into big, loud sobs and I tried to tell them that my baby had no heartbeat. Thank goodness they took me right back to the bathroom and then put my husband and I in a room in the back to wait for the doctor so I didn't have to sit there with all those other women any longer. We were not off to a good appointment.

A few minutes later the doctor came in and was very sympathetic and took as long as we needed to answer all of our questions. He even did another sonogram right there in the office to ease my fears that there could have been a mistake. Maybe this was all a mistake and really everything was fine. It didn't make any sense...I still felt so pregnant. In the end, we decided to schedule a D & C to be done Thursday morning at their surgery center in Northern Bethesda. The rest of the day feels like a blur and one I'd like to forget.

A day I'll never forget

My doctor called a few days after my last sono and wanted me to have another sonogram done at approximately eight weeks. My mom came and stayed with Ian this time so we could concentrate on seeing our new little bean. We were very excited that we were getting to see our baby again.

Everything started out fine and seemed normal, but the sonographer seemed to be searching for something and was very quiet. After quite a while I finally asked if everything was going ok. She asked why my sonogram was being repeated. Had they been able to find a heartbeat during my last sono? A heartbeat, well of course! She finally admitted she was having trouble finding a heartbeat today. She decided to go pull the records from my last sonogram to review them. My husband and I were left in the room for what felt like days and were becoming very aware that something was not right. When she returned she said she would get her boss and possibly he could take a look and see if she was just missing it. She said it happens sometimes and was not necessarily anything to be worried about. She left again and this time came back with the Radiologist who informed us that the "pregnancy was no longer viable." WHAT? But I feel pregnant. I've been throwing up for weeks. I'm exhausted. My breasts hurt. How did this happen? When did this happen? Everything was fine two weeks ago. This can't be happening! Nooooooooooo!

Is that little blob our baby?

Today I had my first sonogram. Looks like I'm about six weeks. I got in trouble for not having enough fluid in me. Guess downing my bottle of water right before my appointment wasn't a good idea. Ian liked seeing his little brother or sister on the TV screen that projected the sonogram. Luckily the sonogram didn't take toooooo long and we left with a picture of our new little bean.

First Doctors Appointment

Well, today I had my first doctors appointment. Everything looks good. Met with a new doctor in the practice and he was very nice. Boy, going to doctor's appointments was so much easier before Ian was born. Who can expect a 3-year-old to sit still and behave for two hours in a doctors office. My favorite part is trying to have an important conversation and answer questions the doctor has while chasing m son around the doctors office. Don't touch that! Sit still. Do you want to sit on Daddy's lap. Put that down!!

Guess What Honey

I took a pregnacy test today -- at Walmart of all places! It's positive! Whoa. This is somewhat of a surprise. I mean, not totally of course, but we have so much going on in our lives right now and didn't expect to get pregnant so quickly. Called DH who was working on renovations at our "new" house. He of course was thrilled. Here we go again.